Sir Quotes-a-lot

It's the christmas season, and I work in retail. I think satan himself concocted the near lethal combination of retail employment and the seasonal shopping rush. Everyone needs things packaged and sent, and if some moron at the hub accidentally sends the box to the wrong place, it's your ass for ruining christmas. There is nothing I hate more than the righteous customer. You know the type. The person who is crusading for the rights of consumers everywhere by viciously, loudly, obnoxiously fighting the injustices imposed on her by the inept idiots taking her money. She is the true hallmark of what the american dream has become. Product savvy, with zero patience and, amazingly, even less tolerance. She has "a lot, I mean a lot, of powerful friends" and if you don't get on your knees and beg for her wretched forgiveness she will "run your business into the ground." I could swear that this great nation was founded on principles of brotherly love, so why did we let it get to this point? It is neither loving nor brotherly to expect legions of young, undereducated (or sometimes even overeducated) people to behave as customer service drones; robots designed to indulge our every whim, and then not react when we verbally assault them for something that was more than likely not their fault. Keep that in mind the next time you get a bug up your ass about something at the store and feel like chewing out the clerk. He or she almost certainly had nothing to do with your problem, and all you're doing is fucking up someone else's day. Lest we forget: "An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind."

In the devil's dictionary, Ambrose Bierce defined cynicism as "the aim to improve the world by pointing out it's faults." That's a pretty accurate description of me. My concern is that it's going to poison me. I get angrier and more bitter everyday. I still laugh and smile, I'm still a happy fat fuck, but I take these fights to bed with me every night, and I lack the focus to do much about it. By the time I've gotten angry enough to do something about one issue, another one pops up on my radar. It's not a lacking attention span either. It's just overwhelming. To paraphrase a great film: "You need wings to stay above the bullshit in this city."

I could take this time to waste valuable bits railing about my hysterical satire of a love-life, but that would be just a little too cliche, even for me.

Does anyone want to go couch surfing with me this summer?