In a weak effort to live vicariously through the wit of a hero, I am posting Tucker Max's "hookup application". I am doing this with the naive hope that some beautiful woman will randomly stumble across this, submit it, and then I will find true love through a coded series of 1s and 0s. Or maybe my friends will submit them and I'll get a few good laughs. That would be swell!
Your name -
Your email -
Your age (must be age of consent) -
When do you want to fuck -
Anything else -
If you seem worth my time past this, and I don't already know you, I'll ask for a picture then.
In the meantime please visit http://www.tuckermax.com for some really incredible stories of asshole daring-do.
Goon Wisdom #9
15 years ago
Posts
7 comments:
Your name - Sweet Pandemonium
Your email - CloseToTheFlame@Beautiful.com
Your age (must be age of consent) - 666
When do you want to fuck - When Love and Death Embrace
Anything else - Join Me In Death
Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I should have added some exclusions. First on the list: Obviously semi-retarded goth/HIM-fan idiots. Care to try again?
Your name - Robby Resnick
Your email - robby.resnick@gmail.com
Your age (must be age of consent) - 21
When do you want to fuck - Not happening
Anything else - I just wanted to do this so you knew I was reading...
while you've got the semi-retarded part right, I can assure you wholeheartedly that that was not written by a fan of HIM... just a vehemently evil asshole who got riled up about Postmodernism and the utter ignorance of someone confusing David Lynch and David Byrne in my presence today, and thus threw all desire to be intelligent to the wind.
sorry, it was a cheap shot, I know.
Tell me, how exactly does one get riled up about postmodernism? I also noticed you didn't deny the "goth" moniker, which makes you just as bad as any HIM fan. Keep trying.
Your name: your oldest, dearest, and by far coolest friend...I mean, random blog reader ever!
Your e-mail: TheNorthBlowsMyAss@NOLA.com
Your age: A lady never tells, you heartless bastard!
When do you want to fuck: Hmmm...I can do it on Friday...well, only before 7 because I have a seminar to go to. Does that work for you?
Anything else: Nope, oh, remember: Mardi Gras, you, be there or be square!! :)
Friday before 7 is great for me. You sound so hot I don't even think I need a picture, baby. We can be pirates, plundering for booty on the seas of love!
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