Verboten!

The following is a list of words and phrases that will generate random, fierce, very violent reactions when used around me from this point forward:

Hockey Mom: No such thing. It's too damn cold in Alaska to play soccer, so I understand why this is the next step, but when you factor in the demands of a political career, a secessionist husband (look it up) who spends two thirds of the year on an oil rig and a fishing boat, a mewling brood of offspring, including one with special needs, and the fact that the family spent most of the last decade living in a town with a population of less than 7,000 (again, look it up), I simply refuse to believe that she gave a flying fuck about her children's sporting endeavors.

Maverick: This is a serious one. Nobody who has been in politics and affiliated with a party for more than one term can claim to be a maverick. Nobody. Period.

Change: Of course this is a change election. But it's not going to happen. We need term limits on every publicly held position in our entire government, at every level. We need a complete removal of money (somehow) from the system. We need a congress with integrity and grit. And Balls. Lots and lots of Balls. None of these things will come to pass in my lifetime, and most likely not in my son's lifetime. Let me put it another way: There is NO change I can believe in.

Reaching across the Aisle: Aside from those wackjobs from OK and SD, every member of congress has reached across the aisle and worked with the other side. This happens every day in congress. Every. Day. It's only in cases of the most divisive legislation, like introducing the articles of impeachment against Cheney, or sponsoring a bill that would amend the constitution to ban gay marriage, that the elusive "reach" becomes a big deal, because those are always the pieces of legislation used as trumpets to rally the base around. It's pathetic that so many voters in this country are naive enough to fall for this crap, from both sides. No one cares about a successful reach across the aisle to procure some funds for seasonal road paint strip testing in the Catskills.

I can't go on anymore. It's taken me all damn day just to get this far.